NOV 23, 2016--Conspirators In Crime

Good morning! It is one day before Thanksgiving, and I already have so much for which I am thankful. First, that I have lived to my 33rd day; second, that I have hundreds of friends from around the globe; and third, that I have a brother, Lincoln, who relentlessly fights on my behalf.

In fact, Lincoln snuck into my room the other day and gave me a bit of a pep talk (as you can see in the above-left photo) about how I could expedite my discharge. "Listen to me brudda. This is how we gonna bust you outta this low-security joint," he said. "First we gotta snap your PICC line, and then the nurses will have to take it out." My PICC is the catheter that is inserted just above my heart to give me all sorts of goodies like baby Gatorade and liquefied fat--yum. So I took his advice and snapped my PICC. "Now that your PICC is broken, pull out your IV," he said "Got it," I replied. "Now we gotta get to your new blue ride (see Nov 20 Post)..."

It was at that point that the nurses realized that all sorts of shenanigans were going on in my cell, and so they busted up our plan. But Lincoln was right: the nurses had to remove my PICC line; plus, they removed what was left of my IV. I thought life was good until I realized that without my PICC, I had to increase my oral feeds by about 33%. Did you hear that: 33%! That's like eating a Thanksgiving meal for every meal! I can assure you that with that kind of consumption my diaper will be hanging on for dear life as it will be 'Yours Truly' who will be beginning to round out like a Butterball turkey. So what's the lesson? To tell you truth: I am not entirely sure. But I think it may be that not all well-meaning advice is necessarily good advice, even if given by family. My stomach can certainly attest to that. Or perhaps the lesson is simply that one should not eat too much. Either way, be thankful my friends. Your pot-bellied CDH pal, Noah Abner.